Ordinarily I probably wouldn’t have chosen a dildo for a review. For one thing, it’s “Vanilla” to me, for another I like more imaginative toys.

However, Robert Rosenberg has aroused in me the sheer lust and curiosity of a superficial bitch. I had to hold it, hold it in my hand, crush it… and conquer it! It’s a limited edition! How limited I didn’t find out, but whether there are a hundred or a million Roberts, it’s a job well done.

How the dream came to be

Robert R. has been in the porn industry for many years, as far as I know. Most of his professional life, to be exact. Because of his sexual immediacy and numerous scandals, he is a favorite rebel even in my erotic consciousness. Today, this porn guru devotes himself to his profession primarily as a Sex Coach.

Which makes this respectable memoir a didactic tool for therapeutic purposes:) It took about three hours to make the cast of Robert’s “Bivouac”. Then the sculptor refined it to perfection so that not even the slightest detail was missing. This was supervised by Robert’s wife, from whom the whole idea of the dildo actually originated. So let’s go check out his vein.

Not today, Robert!

I have to admit, I’m not as much of a hero as I may seem. When I unpacked THAT, the smile on my face froze and my pupils went into shear. It really is a MACK that is easy to “break your teeth” on. Let me tell you, I walked around it for a long time, gathering the courage to grab the 26.5 cm (total including suction cup). But clearly, those who are afraid must not go to the forest, but to visit. A good companion and a supportive atmosphere with foreplay turned out to be the right choice to start with…

He LIVES!!!

No expense was spared on the material here either, which pleased me. The creators were really after all-round satisfaction, as is not always the case when it’s more promotional material with the aim of making a lot of money. The two-layer silicone with a solid core makes the penis realistic, firm and at the same time pleasant to the touch.

The suction cup will be very helpful if you need to anchor the dildo somewhere. The details are really elaborate and the dick is so nice not only to the touch but also to look at. If Dr. Frankenstein had had the same options back then, I’m sure his work wouldn’t have been called a monster, but maybe more of a Franta the Bitch🙂

Close your eyes bug….a FIK!

…After the greeting, I walked boldly on, perhaps more boldly today than usual. A conspiratorial smile and Robert in my backpack guaranteed an interesting evening. It started as usual. Fine foreplay, tenderness, energy… all indications were that it was the right time to invite a guest.

I softened the tension with a “shhhh” and continued to enjoy watching him disappear up his ass… The evening went on boldly. The heat of passion radiated strongly enough and I knew I could only quench it by riding that “fire pole” myself right into the grand finale…

Added 5/18/2018 to numerous reader requests

I mentioned in the previous part of this article that dildos are not an interesting area for me to review. So I wouldn’t trust myself to write a follow-up piece, let alone that it would give me sincere pleasure to recount my “deep” experiences to you.

“Let the lazy lemmings be lynched, and those who can turn be praised!”

Taking it from the beginning, this was when I was starting my sex life, around the traditional talk about how no one should settle for mediocrity. “If it doesn’t have at least twenty, drop it back in the water” I was told. Bullshit. To my (un)happiness, most of my partners performed beyond expectations. Of course, being young and flexible in every way, I was spinning like a weather vane. What a joy.

However, as I got older, I began to value technique more than equipment. I quickly learned that a skillful average is often more than a cocky thoroughbred. So some of the big things began to scare me and not-so-please me. I’ll allow myself to explain a piece of wisdom that just occurred to me.

“If you have a big car and you can’t park it, then no one will compliment you for scraping its trunk.”

That’s also probably why I procrastinated so much before letting something like “Robidick” come to my body, or rather into my body, years later. I’m just the kind of dude who has a bad experience (You want me?). I may have just busted another myth and maybe contributed a little to public self-esteem, but let’s move on.

I’ll go back to the “big” events, which I in turn enjoyed. Because if it’s a good fit, I can handle the Brno Astronomical Clock. I remember my first rodeo…in fact, all the others with a smile. The whole thing makes me wonder why I enjoyed some of them more and others pretty much sucked. The answer is obvious.

Some people get turned on by the mere thought of being full. And me too, actually, but full of him, the whole person… The smell, the chemistry… the omnipresent energy. I’m a tribute romantic. Get used to it. And it doesn’t make any difference if I’m making out or fisting. What matters to me is the whole alchemy of feelings, emotions and desires. That’s why I didn’t even hope to experience anything like that with a dead stick. And yet something surprising happened.

Yes, there were a few moments that I had to breathe. About halfway through, where the dildo is widest, I expected to hopefully rip myself in half. Thoughts of blowing the whistle on the match were running through my head. But as I spun boldly on, relief began to set in. There was nowhere to go, Robert was all inside me. Anyway, it was an extraordinary feeling, like sitting on a pole and just waiting for it to go through your stomach. But the mighty prostate sent a signal that everything was where it should be.

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I let my fantasies run wild and the spirit of the great Psyche began to work for me. Suddenly it wasn’t just a big piece of “rubber” anymore. It was a dick with a name. Thoughts of pain and a wry smile faded away. I closed my eyes. The face of my lover, who was with me at that moment, was slowly changing. The body was taking shape. It was no longer him who continued to linger. Soon the whole dildo thing became personal. The deeper he was inside me, the further my prostate sent me skyward.

I was the hero of an adult movie. Erections like a rock. Robert was crushing me, I was full of him. I was moaning like a first grader and he liked it. I wanted to stop for a while to delay the orgasm.

“Not yet, not for a while…”

I gasped out.

But once the avalanche breaks loose, there’s no stopping it. The more I begged for mercy, the more Robert went inside me.

I couldn’t keep it up. My eyes mirrored his lustful grin. I came. It was painted. I just lay there for a while longer, to process what had just happened. Slowly, I opened my eyes, the world brightened, and I was back. Here and now. The gasping smile smoothly turned into a satisfied laugh. Like you’re still sitting in a roller coaster set, after a fun “death ride”.

While it was a short trip after a long journey, it was more than a profound experience for me. I was reminded of a familiar thing. When you have the right environment, an understanding partner, the right frame of mind and enough motivation, you can do the seemingly impossible. Like all of Rosenberg.

I’m sure this toy won’t go into the drawer of oblivion.

Pros

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    Quality materials

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    Realistic casting

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    Good size for pushing boundaries

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    Suction cup for easy anchoring

Cons

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    Higher acquisition costs

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    You can't travel with it very secretly.

See the current price and the possibility to order here:

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